Performed by: Ben Robertson
Music by: Ben Robertson
Lyrics by: Ben Robertson
Ben Robertson makes his HCSC debut this year – we welcome him to the competition!
In his own words:
My name is Ben Robertson and I am entering my first ever Home Composed Song Contest. I’ve been working at the Eurovision Song Contest and Junior Eurovision Song Contest for ESC Insight for numerous years in the Press Centre, as well as being the a member of the board of OGAE International.
I wrote this song in February 2017. My wife was pregnant with our first child. We were very excited. Sadly after numerous scans and tests it was discovered that the child has a random genetic deletion which would impact on the child’s mental development.
We made the very difficult decision to abort the child.
This song is about the struggles of that time and the gravity of the situation, and the frantic train of thought to that ultimately led to the decision we made.
This song was a great part of my healing process after the difficult time. I enter HCSC because I want to spread the message of this song further to maybe help others who would be in a similarly horrible situation in the future.
I don’t recall those days, just a blur was what they were, a time I know my mind forgot, but my soul cannot forgo
It’ll forever stain me so
That together we were God, tryin’ to play His mortal game, without an ounce of omnipresence, that did keep the great man sane. Oh how did it come to this?
The power in my hands, the judgments we must make, I tried to be the scientist, but even science couldn’t say
What was the right or wrong, the puzzle that we had to solve? Instead the probabilities of human life’s hyperbole
Were there when I should feel such joy, like lovers in their prime should do, the produce from the birds and bees, our combined sweet fertility
Yet as we got to learn much more, the missing codes those quacks recalled, that life inside my wife became an alien to the strife
For it turned out we created, little Schrödinger’s life.
Deep within the womb there was, a beating-hearted paradox, growing every passing day yet kicking out to find a way, asking to live another day!
Or would we pull the plug, stop life before it lived, and never hear its voice cry out, well …that’s kind of why we’re here, for it may never learn to shout
It might be Einstein, and conquer space and time, but every paper I did read, implied it’d never be its creed
And sure there was the selfish part, not wanting to be burdened by a life that could be worse, when that kid becomes a curse
But then again it’s selfless too, I have to think of all of you, and look you in the eye if you were paying for its time
Because I’ve got this power, you gave the right to choose, men bestämmar var det liv och död (but decide if it was life or death), I couldn’t bear to say that word
Oh it, how it became it, less a person more a tumour, though I want to love that child
And I did, oh I swear I did, but we made the brave decision…maybe less than the other one