Sunday morning I went for a walk
Still enlightened by words of the Vicar
In some bushes, what a wayward breed
Little boys on marijuana
One of them approached me: “’Hey, old hag! ‘
You better lift your skirt and show your knickers
With the stuff we put into our weed
Your crumpled ass sure looks like Beyonce’s!”
Sign my petition which claims: Bring back the birch!
Let’s swing the cane, let’s swing the whip
A little beating, it certainly won’t harm
And then let’s send those brats to church!
Let’s start a movement and chant: Bring back the birch!
Good smacking on a boot camp trip
Could do some wonders on manners that went wrong
Don’t make me feel left in the lurch!
So raise your voice, make a plea: Bring back the birch!
Our feeble laws need a firm grip
Barbarization has spread out far too long
So hit them hard and hit them strong!
Children’s choir in parallel:
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch!
Some good old spanking just like my father gave
Turned me into what I’m today
A symbol of obedience
Bring back the birch, for that I crave
Bring back the birch!
Children’s choir in parallel:
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch!
Children continue, occasionally joined by female lead:
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ouch
Ow ow ow ouch ow ow ow ouch!
Children continue, female lead joining in again:
…Turned me into what I’m today
A symbol of obedience
Bring back the birch, for that I crave
Bring back the birch!
