(30) Beware the Phantom Pants Brigade!

Based on: Cyprus 2008 - Femme Fatale



Where’ve my pants gone?
They were here, I saw them
I was just about to wear them
Now they’re nowhere to be seen

Where’ve my pants gone?
This is quite impossible
I had them all laid out
So neatly folded, fresh and clean

Now my bits are feeling rather chilly
It’s surprisingly intemperate for such a time of year

Who’d have thought?
A crime wave here in Limassol
My privacy invaded by a thief... of underwear!

Damn! I swear I only turned my back a second
Never would have reckoned they could sneak off on their own

Someone must have infiltrated my boudoir
Then done a runner with my pants
And taken them back home

(Hah! You see
We are the Phantom Pants Brigade
We pilfer pants and use them in our wicked little games
Now we’ve got your pants
And we have no intention to return them
We might burn them
Send them up in flames!)

How I loved my pants of glee
They made me smile and laugh and dance
Sadly now they’ve fled from me
Without a second glance

Where’ve my pants gone?
If I had to summarise
They’re slightly frilly, not too silly
Suave and debonair

Red with stripes on
Roomy and elasticated
Quite sophisticated
Truly far beyond compare...

(You’re the first
And not the last
To lose her pants to this here crew
Stavros and his Phantom Pants Brigade have got your pants too…)

Hah! You see, you’ve given up your secret weapon
Now I know your motive and your true identity

Just a quick look in the Cyprus Yellow Pages
“Pants Abductors”, that’s outrageous!
What a clue to leave! (Damn!)

Now I’ve got your number, your address
And I can track you down on Google and arrange a quick soirée (Damn!)

And my pants will soon be mine again
When I come round and flash you my va-jay-jay and you run away (Damn!)
I’ll show you my va-jay-jay and you’ll run, run... right away!

(Damn your pants!)
(Damn your pants!)
(Damn your pants!)





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