Based on: Helen Reddy - I Am Woman


I am cowgirl, shout "Yee-haw!",
I blundered like a real old whore,
One who goes around in fishnets like a skank.
Cos I've got a shitty score,
Was crushed by Oprah on the floor,
And you would sooner go on eBay, have a wank.

Oh you
Loved those bis
And those Greeks and vomit bags,
Sheep and Pollibi.
But all my drunken shags
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Down back alleys,
They don't score anything:
It went wrong (wrong),
It was unvoteable (unvoteable),
I am cowgirl.

You prefer critical ladies
To French girls who're bald like babies,
And who'd never hope to ever be well-known,
Voters wanted monkey business,
I can't find a rhyme for 'business',
Like you can't find any tampons or your 'phone.

You surfed
Porno sites,
Fried some milky babes for tea,
Found the stew had spice,
Shopped at Frank's company,
And you all liked
That guy who is golfing:
Like his schlong (schlong),
My score was risible (it's risible),
I am cowgirl.

I had dreams of victory,
But you didn't vote for me,
Track you down on Google Earth, and I'll avenge:
I'll drown you in the Dead Sea,
Or use toxic chemistry:
I'll mix compound metaphors for revenge.

Oh you
Loved those ears,
And the thieving bitch's bag,
Verbal diarhhoea.
But all my drunken shags
Down back alleys:
They don't score anything,
It was wrong (wrong),
It was unvoteable (unvoteable),
I am cowgirl.

Oh, I am cowgirl,
It was unvoteable,
It went wrong.

I am cowgirl.