21) The Freak Cross-Breeder

Based on: Sweden 1966 - Nygammal vals (Hip man svinaherde)


Some time ago in a distant farm
An old cross-breeder, a science man
Was not impressed by what was in his barn
And decided that it's time to play around

So he gathered some semen samples from across the fauna
Mixed them by genetic engineering with some random ova
Six weeks later he began to see the outcome of his work
Tail of a lobster, head of a sheep
Yak with the tiny claws of a common gull
Horse and opossum joined at the hip
Gopher with camel humps that grow from its skull

Beaver with a boar

But the man was just a bit too careless with own his creation
Some important issues he did not take in consideration
How can jellyfish that have chimpanzee legs breathe on land?
Slugs can't have sex with sharp horns of bull
Harvestmen tangle in their thick hamster wool
Dingo with crab hands, that's just not cool
Zebra with poofly head can choke on its stool

This is getting gross

Yet the stubborn man didn't notice anything had gone wrong
No, not even when his son got injured playing with a wasp dog
He decided next to interbreed some animals with plants
Leaves of a fan palm, head of a sheep
Yam with the giant head of a common gull
Horse with a balsam fir on the hip
And the poor gopher has a taro for skull

Stupid professor, he could not keep
His freaky hybrid creatures under control
Died when his house fell ten metres deep
Into a hole dug by an elephant mole

Maybe a good idea that wasn't at all.