7) Dave Adjusts Himself (Weekends Only)

Based on: Ireland 2009 - Et Cetera



I don’t know really who you are
You hide out during weekends
But I put your weird acting down
To watchin way too much Glee…

You seemed to curb your urges
I thought you’d be a good boy
Like a nincompoop, I trusted you
You’ve gone too far…

Why change your name by deed poll?
Well, only…Mister God knows
You say it’s normal…I don’t know

You stole my bra  (her comfy bra)
You got it so dirty and frayed
And I still believe you badly ruined it
I’ve spent ten days  (so many days)
With Ariel, Persil and Daz
Hoping that your stains would wash away

Remember how I found out?
You dressed in my old boob tube
Wearing my slingbacks…in the shed
And singing Moja Stikla

That's just one quirk your life shows
Still hiding…does your mum know?
One way to sum up: Dave’s my bitch!

So that you know… (please take a note)
You put on make-up like a man
And I really wish you hadn’t bought that wig
I need to scream  (we need to scream)
Your fuschia hotpants are obscene
Showing off your G-string ain’t ok!

My love, I’ll fix your style woes
I’ll dress you, trim your eyebrows
I’d paint your toenails…if you wash

I do not mind  (She loves her guy)
You wear that old blue cami top
That I will admit looks better worn by you :-(
I love you still  (She now takes pills)
You put the man in to Mandy
Knowing that on weekdays, you remain…

My macho man!