14) Lifeguard

Based on Monaco 1961 - Allons, allons les enfants

Let us now undress, sun is up, the sea is waiting
I have to confess: don't care 'bout a swim but mating
All the pretty boys are posing and proposing things I dare not say
Not the man that I want

I need some finesse, plan in action, I become a
Damsel in distress, plop plop plop, "Help me, mister! I am drowning!"
In a blink I'm dragged to safety by the hasty playboy wannabes
Not the man that I want

Lifeguard, save me, oh lifeguard
Give me some mouth to mouth
Retard? Are you a retard?
I am free and easy, do I need to spell it out?

Trying to impress, in a thong and with no top on
Ending up repressed, he tells me to put more clothes on
I know it's no nudist beach, a prudist beach it is but why him too?
Did he not get the sign?

Not quite yet depressed, I asked help with suntan lotion
But with no success, he ran straight into the ocean
Someone else had to be drowning, if not clowning, but the trick won't work
On the man that I want

When there's no progress, it is time to change the tactic
How's a game of chess? Intellect, ain't it fantastic?
He can't play it when he's working, how to perk him up and make him mine?
He's the man that I want

Lifeguard, take me, oh lifeguard
Enter my pool of love
Front yard, it's on my front yard
But without your quay it cannot ever be complete

It's time to undress – working day is over for him
I'm a bit obsessed, I peep in his locker room and
I can see his teeny-weeny, useless wiener from my keyhole view
Not the man that I want

My pool, my pool of love ain't for him