17) The Curtain-Twitcher

Based on Ukraine 2006 - Show Me Your Love

Hydrangeas wilted and leaf blight at number ten
Yew tree at number five can’t grow any higher
No sign at number eight they’ll ever fix their gate

Heavens above! Houses in disrepair
“We’ll make a start” or so they claim...
Not good enough! Drives me to such despair
Forewarned’s forearmed: I’m taking aim

Meanwhile, at number nine, they’ve truly crossed a line
Took down the realtor’s sign and the news is dire:
Old Mrs. Glover says they’ve sold it to some gays!

Heavens above! Lord knows quite how they dare
Such disregard. Our street, for shame!
And sure enough, I’ve seen no queerer pair
Not round these parts. Such a display!
Heavens above – just look at what they wear!
They should be shunned, driven away
I’ve had enough: no more Ms. Laissez-Faire
I’m on my guard, and they’re to blame

[Rummages around for binoculars]
Well, they ought to be ashamed...
Bringing down the tone with such flagrant disdain...
Brazenly intruding on the lives of all, upsetting the neighbours...
Oh, hang on...

Heavens above – sex in a garden chair!
Poor Mr. Smart, always the way:
Not smart enough, perfectly unaware
His wife’s a tart, back on the game
Heavens above – what a view from upstairs!
Makes Mrs. Smart’s antics seem tame
Oddly enough, no one appears to care
Our Mr. Smart’s banging the gays

Some people even say I should be locked away!

Neighbourhood Watch is more than I can bear
“You go too far!” they all complain
Heavens above! That’s neither here nor there
Such bleeding hearts!

I bet, deep down, you feel the same