Based on Dile que la quiero, Spain 2001 (live version)

I don’t mean to sound a bit demented
But I have one or two things which…I must get off my chest
There is much that makes me discontented

Forming in my mind…whirlpools of detest

I’ve compiled this list for you to illustrate the torment
That my worst pet peeves are

All those damn cold-callers…
…and men in socks and sandals

Earphones can really annoy me when they…
…get all tied up in knots

Stepping on some Lego…
…and when you hit your elbow

Singers too but –oh for f*ck’s sake– there are far, far too many…

(Jedward?)

Can you stand them?

(Bieber?)

The boy, he’s irksome

(Miley?)

Golly, gee whiz, how I want to…tell that woman “Go twerk off!”

If you think my rant a little frantic
I would apologise but…you can’t stop my moan
It’s because I’ve learned to be…so…pedantic

Since, as a young bambino, when I was left home alone:

Yappy dogs left barking by the neighbours made me cry out…

“My god they’re so annoying”

Football in the summer…
…I’m sorry World Cup lovers

Nearly as awful as motor racing…
…it’s driving round in circles

Did I mention bankers? And all their phone ‘help’ menus?

For the list of things that nark me…it is almost unending

(What else? Tell us! Come on!)

Nitwits who do air guitar but…badly

(Really? Show us! Do it!)

[ — “Ahh” as David does bad air guitar impression — ]

Netflix when it buffers…
…and all you backseat drivers

Beer goggles annoy too when I wake up…
…with a total minger!

Mormons that come calling…just makes me scream out “Hell, no!”

Tell me that you understand that…
…I’m not utterly bonkers

Talentless Z-listers and their keep fit DVDs

Pop-up window adverts, even though the…
… blocker says it’s working…
…Gives me irritation I can’t describe without cursing

To sum up this: ¡Ay, Caramba! Hay tanto a odiar.

Oh, yes!