Based on Cyprus 1994

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Married soon you’ll be
I couldn’t be more happy
Some would not be keen
On having to be here and sit through
“Hold your peace”
One’s ex gets hitched with one’s best pal
But no, not me

Nothing more between us
We broke up on peace terms
We were not to be
For circumstantial reasons
Just to show I’m free of grudge, I will declare
For all the guests to hear:

I propose a toast
The finest couple I know
I propose a toast
But it’s your best I want, so
I propose you see
This film I made on DVD ’bout him
So he won’t be a lesson left untaught
For you to know
What you got yourself into
I’ll unpause the show

Chapter one, you see
His careless habits
Leaves his ramen
On the floor with no regard to safety
Then see how he starts the washer
While cramming all my white pants with
Mixed colour load

I propose a toast
For you and that mad psycho
I propose a toast
Is he the one, still think so?
I propose you see
The next part of the DVD
“The history of misled love”
And then you’ll know
The reason I proposed the toast
And now comes Heidi, my tall niece
Look at him gawks at her, the whore
You think he’ll care about your legs? Or his vows? There’s no hope
And will your kids be lovely? Nope
They’ll be grotesque, resembling toads
Or creepy arthropods, or goats

This documentary’s the key, I guarantee
Predicts your lives will be displeasing, lacking trust
And so hollow

And that’s why I proposed the toast
Really, I’m not jealous, no