Based on Cheesecake (BLR 2014)

[Sucks air through teeth]
Man gravy!

When I started at St Mab’s I soon learned that
There are no limits: hazing sure gets terribly gay
You gave me wedgies like you were edging
But still I never thought that goosing would lead to ‘Jizzcake’

So you got us slim, young, twinky chaps to play
Frenzied circle-jerking on a jaffa cake
All the manic fap, fap, fap trying to cheat fate
You got off on making us eat jizzcake
Misdemeanour? There was always hell to pay
All that cumming on a shortbread every day
Oh, my hairless teenage balls, how they would ache!
Soon grew tired of eating first-year jizzcake

Whoooooaaaaaa! Meh… shoot-shoot-shoot-shoot-shoot-shoot… Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Hey (hey) – I think it’s fair to say (say) I liked the game
Just not the way you made me play! If I’d had my way (way)
You’d call your ruggers, then we’d start fumbling
You’d want me to feed on man-sized quantities of seed

But, alas, you never managed to persuade
Your hot rugby mates to join your cake crusade
I’d encourage you to wank, hoping you’d make
Salty toppings for my sweet jizzcakes
At long last you acquiesced: you’d masturbate!
Since I never touched your cock it wasn’t gay…
Gay or not, I loved it – more than worth the wait!
Sure grew used to eating Sixth-Form jizzcake

Ooooohhhh! Yeah! Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! Mmm-mmm! Mmm-mmm!

You’re forever my ‘head boy’
Your sweet icing I adore, a-ha
There’s no other that I’d smother on a s’more
’Cause a biscuit’s not a biscuit without your ‘babies’ (heh)

No-o-o-o-o-o-ooooo!

[Years later]

Am I wrong, or…?
I look at a jammie dodger and I gape
I can still see all the jam! I double-take
Must be iced: that’s boner-fide jizzcake
And I’ve heard it’s all around the world – that’s great!
Think they call it ‘ookie cookie’ in the States
I promote it! Every chance I get I take
’Cause I’ve got a real taste for jizzcake

Now he wonders (yeah) (jizzcake!)
Now he’s got his own cake store (where…)
Now I wonder if they know all that I bake
Is inspired by those dorm-year jizzcakes
There’s no warning (no) (yeah!)
’Bout his use of special sauce (yeah)
About all the soggy biscuits on their plates
They don’t know they’re eating my sweet jizzcakes

 Mwah!