I am feeling hungry, so what’s for tea tonight?
Tell me of your culinary plans, on what you’ll bite
I’ve been cooking, basting, tasting all my favourite meat
I prepare with pride all of the meals that I eat

I love to stir fry babies with some oyster sauce
Hasty, tasty, quite simply cooked of course
I love to roast young children ‘cause old ones are coarse
Chewy, eewy, just like an old horse

Tell me what’s for tea now upon this summer eve?
Will you have a salad with some garlic bread and cheese?
I’ve prepared a snack so scrumptious and fit for a king
Shake and bake and take the menu that I’m offering

I love to poach the eyeballs of precocious brats
Tender, slender, with freshly toasted baps
I love to barbecue a child thigh or leg
Then for pudding, of course a kinder egg

I know certain people who think that I am sick
But they’ll eat a chicken, a sheep, a cow, a pig
Some of them will stuff their mouth with pesto pasta pie
That’s unhealthy and quite boring, here’s what they should try

I love to gobble Asian teriyaki tots
While avoiding teenagers with spots
I love to spice things up with chilli con niño
Or a pizza: a quattro bambini

You no longer ask me: So what’s for tea tonight?
I do hope I have not given you an awful fright
Could it be that you are tempted by my haute cuisine
So I’ll recap for you all the things I love for tea

I love to stir fry babies with some oyster sauce
Hasty, tasty, quite simply cooked of course
I love to roast young children ‘cause old ones are coarse
Chewy, eewy, just like an old horse
I love to barbecue a child thigh or leg
Then for pudding, of course a kinder egg