Feel anaemic?
Pathogenic? Made a crude discovery?
Hors d’oeuvres lodged in your guts’ lining
Whole vol-au-vents and fine dining

Packed with faeces?
Bowel in creases that will not even unfurl?
You need intervention today
Or else your hole will be like fired clay

Colonic irrigation – no more straining till you’re blue
An oral preparation can remove impacted poo
Faecal accumulation breaking down in minute parts
Toxic putrification sluicing out in fits and starts

Colonic irrigation makes your shitter feel brand new
Intestinal sensation even better than the loo
There are associations, and as biased as they are
Anal administration can be taken much too far

A crochet hook
In every nook, still your ass is tied in knots
Chock full of bacteria gravy
Bruised in shades of mauve and navy

Colonic irrigation – it’s not easy to refuse
A form of masturbation all too easily abused
A sphincteral violation that won’t leave a single scar
And yet in certain nations it will put you behind bars

Colonic irrigation draws opposing points of view
One crucial observation: it may not be right for you
It can cause irritation to unusual body parts
Extensive dehydration, malnutrition and strange farts

More lethal complications could in actual fact ensue
Impeded defecation – it’s ironic, but it’s true
A rectal perforation, and that’s sadly just the start
Amoebic infestation from your bladder to your heart

Amoebic infestation from your bladder to your heart