For Dummies
Based on Anna Järvinen - Porslin
Foreword (not meant to be sung)
Despite the in-lyric instructions, it became apparent that some voters never understood how Haiku Schlager was supposed to fit. The art of haiku-fitting is, however, fairly simple.
Eurovision songs that actually have repeated instances of seven-syllable lines surrounded by two five-syllable lines are scarce or nonexistent. Hence we have to settle for less. Find a seven-syllable line, place the middle line of the haiku there, and pray that the haiku doesn't begin or end too awkwardly. Voilà! Purists frown upon this practice, but purism is lame and haikus are cool. We! Will! Not! Succumb!
This illustrative guide will hold you by the hand and lead you through the Estonian Cowgirl reprise COWKUKAOS!1, set to Anna Järvinen's Porslin (MF 2013). On the right-hand side, you will find the reprise; on the left-hand side, the corresponding part of the original lyrics. Any syllable count oddities are explained in the footnotes (btw, far more liberties have been taken than were in Haiku Schlager). Come on! Together we can do it!
I2 tjugo år
Har vi haft varann
Det finns ingen del av dig
Som inte passar…
…in i mig
Ja, du och jag har
Filat ner varann
Jag kan nästan se mig själv
I det som blivit…
…utav dig
Förvånar mig hur snabbt det faktiskt går
Så du, vi kör väl
Kanske inte tjugo till
Men tills vårt hjärta…
…står helt still
Och du-u3, minns du?
Vad som gjorde oss så bra
För det gör nu in-
-te jag
En otrohet
Och ett fyllebråk
Några barn och ett nytt hus
Ett liv som vänt sig…
…in och ut
Så sakta då
Som det faktiskt går
Ja, du märker ingenting
Förens4 du har vatten…
…mot din kind
Men jag har tryckt bort värre känslor än de här
Så du, vi kör väl?
[Om]5 inte för vår egen skull
Så för barnen och…
…dess lugn
Och du-u3, ser du?
Kanske känns som skit för dig
Men tänk på hur det…
…är för mig
A-a-a…
…a-a-a-a-a
A-a-a-a-a-a-a
A-a-a-a-a…
…a-a-a
A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a
You asked for this
Cows are trained to kill
In an organised stampede
Cos man is fragile
Heed my words
You can't escape, see:
When you least expect
Kamicowze through your roof
Your sleep is endless
This is true
Intrigued by how a cowgirl can recruit?
Cows are unflinching
Reproducing in the streets
And causing crashes
It's a farce
Oh, Cowie Daisy
Been killed twice, come back alive
Now a manticore
Beware!
Spectacular!
We're unfazeable
Seemingly invincible
Unwise to drop us6
We don't care
I'm warning you:
We will sit on you
If you come too near our calves
Don't take this lightly
Cos we won't
You're inferior, now the bovines rule the world
How come? You wonder
The abductions have improved
Our intelligence
A ruse
My army, say moo!
Melt the ice caps with your farts
The mankind's swan song
Don't be sad
A coda:
All good things must end
Post-apocowlyptic world
Where have ALs gone?
That's all, folks!
Thank you for the years of laughter
- Cowku is a cow-themed haiku.
- The preposition i may be hard to hear but it is there.
- One syllable spread over two notes. Replaced by two syllables in the reprise.
- Somehow, Anna pronounces this two-syllable word in one syllable. Or at least it only takes one note. Blame the original authors.
- This syllable is an inconsistency in the original melody. We've omitted it. Mainly to annoy you. And because this stanza couldn't house a haiku otherwise.
- Alas, this is an urban legend. However, falling cows are sometimes hazardous for real.