Based on Luxembourg 1990

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Life’s taken a gloomy detour
Down on my luck, single and poor
Always is a struggle when you’re
Renting a flat, in Luxembourg
So obscure

Thought that they would furnish the flat
Bedroom was bare, kitchen was crap

I can see
To solve this without taking a loan
I’ll be forced to purchase a well-known

IKEA bed
Kopardal, Hemnes, Askvoll
Can it fix to the wall?
‘Cause in truth I just want it all
King size instead?
It would give me much more space
For orgies with the gays
Six of us could lie there lengthways

Find me my bed
In this blue shed

Vast choice catches me unaware
Quickly seduced, by an armchair
Add wall pockets by Pysslingar
How will it fit in my small car?
Unforeseen
Alarmed by the incremental cost
Should I add protection against frost?

IKEA bed
Table to accessorise
And it’s got to be pine
Fresh from the Malm assembly line

Fills me with dread
How much will I have to pay?
Can I pick up today?
Will it fit through my small doorway?

Unpack the bits
Assemble it
Bracket won’t fit!
Broke the drillbit!
Carpenter’s kit, can’t find it, you clumsy tit!
Don’t want to quit, or admit, I can’t build it!
Flatpack is shit!