alc logo title




Svante Speaks (To the EBU Reference Group)

Based on Slovenia 2008 - Vrag naj vzame

“Meeting’s convened. Pay attention to what’s on the screen,
I’ve a proposal that we should now review.
Fans are distressed, this year’s contest left some unimpressed.
So I’m gonna tell you how I think we can increase our revenue.

Televoting, it is now worth noting,
Made us millions but we’ve found a flaw.
Big Four whining, audience declining,
Wogan’s in a fit and wants UK to withdraw.”

(Svante’s next slide draws a gasp from those gathered inside.
It’s so outrageous that few can take it in.
Profits are down, he admits with a deepening frown,
But he’s found a guaranteed way to make sure EBU will win.)

“Something’s lacking, more commercial backing
May be what we need to save the show.
My idea, let me make it clear:
Singers wearing costumes with corporate logos.

Coca-Cola, Saab and Motorola,
Nestlé will be worn at ESC.
Sony, BP, maybe even Audi
Offer us the best way to make the contest free.

(In the room there’s no buzz.
Is Svante nuts?
“Has he another plan?”
They ask themselves. He does!)

“Okay, Plan B. It’s amazing, you’ll see.
Next year: Russia. Let me make a call.
Putin? Favour. Promise you won’t waver.
Can’t you threaten Gazprom so they pay for it all?

What do you get? Something you won’t regret,
You’ll ensure that Russia wins once more.
After dinner you’ll select the winner.

Then the EBU can say “f**k you” to Big Four!”


Get pirate downloads of all the original mp3s for the 10 new finalists at these links thar:


Orrrr get the entire 30-strong final lineup thar:


You need WINRAR to open the file


alc logo title