28) I Lost My Phone

Based on: Armenia 2010 - Apricot Stone


I'm as clumsy as can be, worse off in a drunken haze
I go on a losing spree, feeling lost like in a maze
So you'd think that one day I would learn
Even then, it goes on

Losing everything in sight, let it go without a fight
Can't keep track of stuff to save my life
But now I'm so used to this, night goes on with naught amiss
Normal as can be, there is no strife

I've lost my phone, down the toilet bowl
In a taxi cab, stolen by Nicole
I've lost my phone, way too many times, dropped it in some grime
Now I'm writing all these rhymes

I've lost my phone, in a vat of lard
Underneath a car, inside Tom's guitar
I lost my phone

I have lost it everywhere, at the zoo and in the park
First it was a hurt locker, now it doesn't cause a spark
By now all my friends, they know what's up
Won't trust me with their stuff

How I have tried to reform, but it cannot stop the storm
Even left one in a mummy's tomb
Out the window of a plane, fried a dozen in the rain
Maybe I'll just stay inside my room

I've lost my phone, somewhere at the club
In a subway car, eaten by a cub
I've lost my phone, left it in the gym, took it for a swim
Please don't think that I'm so dim

I've lost my phone, not dishwasher safe
Frozen in a lake, shot up by a strafe
I've lost my phone, lost it in Japan
Buried in the sand, fried it in a pan
I lost my phone