12) Tittle Tattle
Based on Serbia 2011 - Čaroban
Did you hear what he said? The hairdresser’s dead!
Cause she ate a horse and a half!
Greedy Judy, who’d get off stuffing her face,
Should’ve stopped at the horse’s calf
I overheard on the bus a tale about Guss
He’s an obsessive turophile
For his sweetheart, he expressed his undying lust
With most tasteful erotica
Made from cheddar and parmesan!
I love tittle tattle – I’m just a bit nosy
It keeps me so laid back and adds to my news stack
Gossip’s not girly: it’s adored by the burly
They spread it covertly
I was a young girl when my grandmother told me
“Find joy in snooping and hoard all good stories”
My anecdotes are mostly…all truthful: awesome!
Call me your gossip girl
Did you see the new owner of the bookstore?
So much hair! Her name is Lola
She’s a showgirl! Gorgeous! Who could ask for more?
Well, no minging body odour!
Vuk hates tourist folk, since he got such a fright
When one shouted in French “Ça va?”
Vuk then invited him to Angeli Bar…but dumped him blindfolded, alone
In a forest near Leskovac
I love tittle tattle like one about Lena:
She smuggles smurfs out but – can’t get the blue stains out!
And Tim’s gone quirky…he was goosed by a turkey!
All the best gossip here
But some of my stories, they can get quite gory
The dirt on Tony: He lives to rape ponies!
Defending himself he said: “This equine disgrace?”
“Shagging sheep: *so* last year”
(Sheep: Yay! Yay! Yay!)
Join with me (and holler “ciao” to your mundane life)
(It can get groovy when you spread gossip shrewdly)
Become a rumour tart!
The gift Ben gave with much misogynist chutzpah
To his old girlfriend…was a brand new foot spa!
Before you all get stroppy, one juicy tidbit:
I’m a big chocolate slut!
…Always your gossip girl!