(15) Hairstylists To The Stars
Based on Ireland 1981


Snipping in the salon every day
We think about the quiffs we'd love to slay
And all the hairdos that have gone astray
We're "Hairy…Scary"

Styling, and hoping that the layers will hold
Beehives and short bobs we do, and what else we're told
And counting the money stars are giving with big cheques

Do let us coiffeurs take control of your styles
Believe all the hype: join our celebrity files
Yes we trim the world's celebs, quite like dear Posh and Becks

Boozy librarians,
Rude vegetarians,
Grumpy grammarians know:

No matter where you're from, Quebec to Wollongong, whiskers and follicles grow!

Having a bad hair day? We'll tease and backcomb
And no one can top us if you've got a bald dome
Bigwigs get their wigs from us, the likes of Brad and Ange

No respite from this: our scissors chop
Here we are, muzak tuned 'til we bop
Stars queueing to be styled in our new shop
Still "Hairy…Scary"

Styling, and hoping that the colour will take
Profits come from whom we trim, not just what we make
We're spoiling our superstars whose fringes look so great

Please let our stylists make a fuss of your care
Perceive all this truth: we give you zesty great hair
And we coiffe the regal ones, as posh as Will and Kate

Throw away old shavers, all of your hair curlers
We're here to deal with that chore
We are the best you know, we cut the hair you grow
Then sweep your hair off the floor

A-listers tell us "Pour hairspray on our manes"
Beyonce Knowles too…that's not a bestial lie
Yes we like to call ourselves…Hairstylists to the Stars

It's we, not the stars above, who style their hairy parts!